it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
