david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
