I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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