Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
