oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
