Pants 0. Shit 1.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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