i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
