Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize