My first STD was from a foam party
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
