I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this hospital has no fireball
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
