Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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