Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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