Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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