I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
