trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
