Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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