I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
