so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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