Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
