She said her name was "party"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
