wrigley field is MILF paradise
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
