Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
