Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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