I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
