Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
