Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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