i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
