Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.