and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
