im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
