maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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