Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
