im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero