Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.