A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This is not my ceiling
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.