He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.