I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
