Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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