This girl is more easily done than said...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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