Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
