TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
