at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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