I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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