When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
