why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize