I love black thongs
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
