peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
