Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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