He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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