6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize