I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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