they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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