They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he shaved USA in his pubs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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