Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize