1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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