he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
