Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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