and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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