Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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