I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
