I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
