whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
