my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The cops high fived after they tackled you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
