he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
