we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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