You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize