I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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