Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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