Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
