Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
